Yourself or Others?

If you had to choose between being able to help yourself, or being able to help others which would you pick? To make that less vague, lets say your gay (since you're reading this I assume you are, if you're not that's awesome) and you have the ability, the know how, the eloquence and the resources to help millions of people would you do it? The answer is yes, of course. But what if doing it meant coming out of the closet? Being open about your same-sex-attractions and your feelings. If it meant telling your family and closet friends. If it meant persecution, if it meant dying for your cause.

Suddenly it's not all black and white, now is it? Admittedly over the years we've had many martyrs who have died for their particular causes. I'm sure many have died for the cause of equal rights time and time again, it seems every time society gives one group equal rights it has to take away another's, as if this forms some kind of equilibrium. So back to the question, would you come out if it meant saving countless lives, tears and problems for others?

In short, my answer is no. And so is yours. It takes a special person to be a martyr, and while I am ashamed that I hold not the courage to be one I will not stand here and lie to you and say that I am. It is human nature to save yourself first. Survival is ingrained, it's an instict stronger than most bonds in our lives. I'm not saying their aren't amazing people out there who will save that child from a fire, or strip themselves bare for a stranger. I'm merely saying that these people are one in a million.

And maybe this is the problem with T&T maybe we're all talk and no action. Maybe that's why we haven't achieved equal rights just yet. Maybe. Is it fair though, that we as a society need to vent our frustration upon the oppressed until its no longer profitable or humane? Is it fair that they have to tear people apart time and time again until society's outcry drowns out their own inhumane cries for blood?

So what do we do? Is it possible to save both yourselves and others? For many people the answer is no, after all, coming out, especially in this country, is opening up yourself for intense torture. So what do we do? How do we make a difference? Do we start a blog? I don't see mine helping in any way, so I guess the short answer is no then. So what? I have no clue, that isn't a rhetorical question.

I wish their was a way to have your cake and eat it too. I was over at gspottt a moment ago and that's what sparked this post. I would love to make a contribute to them, but I'm too paranoid to send them information about myself, however confidential they may be. I know most of you are too. Paranoid is part and parcel of being gay these days. Constantly looking over your back, secretly watching your actions, searching the net and then deleting your history twice just in case.

Check out that site thought. ( http://gspottt.wordpress.com/) CAISO, The Coalition Advocating for Inclusion of Sexual Orientation is a step. A small step, but a step all the same. So back to my original thought, I was thinking about it and maybe we can have it both ways. We're underground, I know that, but what about people like me? Who are too young to go to parties and join dating sites (scary, btw.) Or those who don't enjoy the club scene (also me, btw) what do we do then?

I'm hoping to also start an organization, or perhaps just a group. An msn chat time, or adding a chatbox to my blog. Something, anything to get us heard and yet remain anonymous. Feel free to email me ideas or comment about them here. (If there's something like this out there, feel free to link me!) Please, seriously have we made strides forward? Maybe we have, but I haven't seen them. Which means there's children out there like me who haven't either. There's abused, suicidal, alcoholic and even angry gay people out there. They have to be out there, and we should reach out to them. Someone should make a stand against what has affected us. I know in comparison to some stories, mine is probably pretty shallow and easy to live through but we have to help who we can, when we can.

If you can help both yourself and others will you choose only to save yourself?

Yours Truly, Mathias.